5 Ways to Be a Good Ally During Pride
If you’re straight and/or cisgender, here are some simple tips on how to be a good ally during Pride month without taking away from the experiences of queer folks. Come party with us! But know a couple of things going in so you don’t make a faux pas or ruin the vibe.
Every year, Pride parades and festivals bring together queer folks and allies to celebrate the queer community in all of our colorful, loud, and glittered glory. While these events are primarily organized by and for the LGBTQIA+ community, straight allies are more than welcome to join, and I can’t blame you for wanting to—it’s a good time! If you're not queer or trans, and you’re planning to attend Pride, here are some tips for allies to keep in mind.
1. Do your homework
This is probably the most important thing you can do, and it will inform all of the other tips to follow.
Before heading to Pride, take some time to learn about queer history. What is now a series of events in June with music, food, drinks, and dancing—started as an uprising against the police on June 28, 1969 at the Stonewall Inn. Though similar uprisings happened pre-Stonewall, this act of resistance was the turning point that launched a movement, so we commemorate it in June every year. Here’s a bit of historical context and an overview of the Stonewall Uprising.
It was a rebellion, it was an uprising, it was a civil rights disobedience – it wasn't no damn riot.
— Stormé DeLarverie
Pre-Stonewall, police routinely raided gay bars to arrest and charge patrons with “sexual deviancy.” People of the same sex couldn’t dance with each other, and bars couldn’t serve alcohol to gay people. The police would round patrons up to check whether they were wearing “at least three items of clothing of their supposed gender,” As you can imagine, given the nature of this statute and how it could be physically investigated by police, queer & trans people were humiliated, as well as physically and sexually assaulted during these raids. Then they’d be arrested and jailed on charges of “sexual deviancy,” making it hard to maintain employment.
After decades of this treatment from the police, enough was finally enough.
This iconic photo, depicting the 1971 New York City march commemorating the Stonewall Rebellion’s second anniversary, now hangs in the Stonewall Inn.
It’s not known who exactly took the first step. The statement that Marsha P. Johnson “threw the first brick” is often cited, but not substantiated by those who were there. A group of butch lesbians are more likely to have been the ones who were the first to fight back against the police, and a woman named Stormé DeLarverie may have been the spark. It’s reported that she looked at bystanders as she was getting arrested and put in the back of the police wagon—and said “Why don’t you guys do something?” As the police then tossed her into the back of the wagon, the crowd swelled, incensed and motivated, to fight back against this sustained abuse. This, and the demonstrations and media coverage that followed, led to a nationwide civil rights movement for the LGBTQIA+ community that still goes on today.
We march and protest every year in June with a similar spirit, to challenge the structures still working to oppress us, and celebrate the ways we’ve learned to survive and thrive in the face of discrimination.
Check out documentaries like these:
Paris is Burning
Disclosure
Stonewall Uprising: The Year that Changed America
The Death and Life of Marsha P. Johnson
These can help you gain insights into the struggles and triumphs of the community, and how Pride has evolved into what it is today.
2. Respect Loudness & Proudness
Remember that Pride is a thoughtfully created safe space for us to express ourselves authentically. The culture of Pride is grounded in unapologetic, transgressive self-expression, given the historical origins of being literally criminalized for this. It’s crucial that if you’re not in the community, you celebrate and embrace us as we are. You’ll see people dressed in glitter and swimsuits and not much else. You’ll see drag queens. Queer relationships with affection on full display. A lot of color and glitter, and all sorts of bodies unapologetically showing skin.
We aren’t there to entertain or please you.
We are there to affirm ourselves, give one another hope and a sense of community—so show respect, don’t make us feel gawked at, and embrace the culture and celebration you see.
3. Show Solidarity
Let your support shine through! Feel free to wear pride accessories like bracelets, pins, or t-shirts, to visually demonstrate your allyship. But it’s important to remember that Pride is so much more than a performative fashion statement. If you’re straight and coming to Pride, do so in a spirit of solidarity with the queer & trans community to celebrate the progress that’s been made.
4. Center queer voices and images—not your own
As an ally, you have privilege and a platform with which to amplify our voices and our stories. It’s easy to come to Pride in rainbow gear, dance, watch the parade, and enjoy the fun of being part of the community for a day. And please do!
But please respect that for you, it’s a costume you can put on and take off after the weekend is over. It’s a party you can choose whether to attend. For queer folks, we don’t get to choose.
So……to be a good ally, be thoughtful about taking Pride selfies with captions like “Having so much fun at Pride!” Maybe use that post to also make a statement about how much you’ve learned about queer history, or about a performer or an organization that inspired you.
And—in this political climate where the right wing is engaged in a full-on assault of transgender rights, we desperately need straight and cis allies to do something to change hearts and minds that you have access to. We’ve been othered by this society for a long time, and don’t have a seat at the table for all the decisions that are being made about us.
As a straight or cisgender ally, you might have that seat, or be able to influence someone who does. Take this opportunity to celebrate, but also get inspired to think about how you can help advocate for us.
Protest photo from Austin, TX, 3/13/2022
5. Support LGBTQIA+ causes
At the end of the day, being a good ally is more about what you do than what you say (or post).
“Allyship is not self-defined - our work and our efforts must be recognized by the people we seek to ally ourselves with.”
— Layla Saad: Me and White Supremacy: A Guided Journal
Donating to an organization that works towards advancing rights and providing support to the community is a great step to take. Here are some examples you can look into, and donate online if there’s a cause that speaks to you.
Sylvia Rivera Law Project: In honor of Sylvia Rivera, a transwoman who was a prominent and groundbreaking LGBTQIA+ rights activist. Despite her standing in the community, Sylvia experienced homelessness, unemployment, and poverty for most of her life. The Sylvia Rivera Law Project works to guarantee all people are free to self-determine their gender identity and expression, regardless of income or race, and without facing violence, harassment, or discrimination. It is especially focused on increasing the political voices of low-income people and people of color in the queer & trans community.
The Trevor Project: A leading organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to LGBTQ+ youth.
Transgender Law Center (TLC): TLC is a legal organization that focuses on changing law, policy, and attitudes to ensure that transgender and gender non-conforming individuals can live authentically and free from discrimination.
Transgender Legal Defense & Education Fund: Supports transgender and non-binary individuals by advocating for their rights and providing legal assistance.
Black Trans Advocacy Coalition (BTAC): BTAC is committed to advancing the social and political equality of transgender and gender non-conforming individuals, with a specific focus on Black transgender people.
GLSEN: Focuses on creating safe and inclusive schools for LGBTQ+ students through education and policy advocacy.
LGBT National Help Center: Offers vital resources, support, and information through hotlines and online chat services.
Human Rights Campaign: A prominent organization working towards achieving LGBTQ+ equality through legislative advocacy, education, and public awareness.
In summary….
Attending Pride as a straight ally is a fantastic way to celebrate and support the LGBTQ+ community. Speaking for myself, I really appreciate the straight allies that come to Pride. It reminds me how far we’ve come, and that there are safe people outside the queer community.
By educating yourself, honoring the loud & proud, showing solidarity amplifying queer voices, and contributing to LGBTQIA+ causes, you can play an essential role in an ongoing movement for change. Let's spread love, acceptance, and support at Pride and beyond, creating a world where everyone can live authentically and freely.
Jess Romeo (he/they) is a proud trans man, psychiatric nurse practitioner, and clinical social worker. He has a private practice in Maryland/Washington, DC and works to help other service providers improve their skills and competencies in working with LGBTQIA+ clients.
For more information regarding his trainings/consultation for service professionals, please visit this page.
